So happy, yeah! Only you, can make you happy! Ayee – do y’all remember that song By Surface? That is the tune I was singing when I titled this message. See the song here:

I was inspired to write this after two recent conversations I had.
As often as we can two of my friends and I get together for dinner and drinks. We catch up and shoot the shit on different issues, but all about what’s happening in our lives. The last time we met up we were on our third bottle of wine when I made the comment that, no one else can make me happy.

One of my friend IMMEDIATELY cut me off without allowing me to finish my thought, saying I was wrong because a person can make you happy.  She feels this way because the person she is with makes her happy. Well, she says that person makes her happy, but I would like to say that person may be adding to her happiness. And adding to one’s happiness is what anyone we are with should do. But that is not the happiness I speak of; That is not internal happiness.

If a person is the only reason you are happy, then you AREN’T happy.

A person can leave at any time and for a number of reasons, and what will happen then if it were THAT PERSON making you happy?
The divorce rate, separations, and insane rates of infidelity is proof enough that a person is not what makes you happy. And if they are what makes you happy in a moment, trust they will not KEEP you happy. That person can, and surely will, do something to make you re-think that whole “you make me happy” statement.

So, when speaking to my friends, there was a primary thought that came to mind.  It was thinking of all those people who are in some ways “damaged”, and do not even realize it.  I don’t use damaged as a horrible word, but to refer to the things in life that tear away at us. These things can be healed, fixed, mended, or whatever word makes you feel better.  When the damage comes from relationships, many people start to blame others for their lack of ability to stay happy. They look for the next relationship to “fix it and make it all better”.  

The problem here is that now, it is someone else’s responsibility to be your healer and make you happy, and it can also possibly lead to self sabotage. Both of these scenarios can lead to the dismissal of that very person who was supposed to make you happy.

How, you ask?

Well for one, there is a lot of pressure on a person when they think they need to be the one to make you happy.  That comes with a lot of demand whether you believe it or not. It also implies that you are incapable of being the source of your own happiness and need someone else to do it. Saying a person makes you happy is so dangerous because as previously mentioned, no other person is a guarantee in your life.

If this person cannot keep up with the standards of making you happy, they will bail, or you will soon become unhappy again, because you are not doing the work you should have been doing for yourself to begin with; Making yourself happy, and letting others add to it. Perhaps then, you will be the one leaving, and ultimately hurting the person who went to the moon and back to try to keep you happy.

The other scenario is when you have unresolved issues within yourself, whether they are known or unknown, and refuse to look at them. You may not even be able to recognize when you should be happy with someone because there will always be a problem.  The things that were making you unhappy before they came along, will soon resurface when that honeymoon phase is over, and you will be looking to blame them; never paying attention to what you really need to fix.

No matter what your partner does right, you will soon be trying to find fault in them. Why? Because to you, it has to be something THEY are doing that is no longer making you happy. This happens far more often than we could imagine. People sabotage themselves and lose perfectly good relationships because they haven’t dealt with their own “stuff”.

Check your demons at the door!

If you are not dealing with your own demons, you cannot properly assess who is adding value to the innate happiness in your life, or who is making you happy for a moment. Moments can last a while, so don’t be fooled.  I see and hear stories EVERY DAMN DAY about people who were relying on others to “make” them happy. They will soon admit that, after years of denial or pretending, there was something they were disconnected from. They sought healing through other people; sought to fill voids that were missing. They thought filling those voids with other people would be the cure to their happiness.

And then one day, that person could no longer fill that void, because it was never theirs to fill.  Now you are deciding to leave this person, and possibly have your eyes on another, to mend something no one but YOU will be able to fix.

Yes, people can have an affect on your current level of happiness. Your choice in social interactions can affect your happy state. They can alter how you feel for the better or worse; long term or short term. But it is the choosing of certain connections; the reason for your choosing of these connections, good or bad, that has everything to do with you.  And if something is keeping you from choosing people that are affecting your energy wisely, then you of course will be choosing those that detract from the happiness you seek. And this is still on You.

Also, know that it’s not always enough to choose people that seem happy to be around. If you are not working on your own happiness, then someone can be the best thing smoking and you will still find yourself waking up miserable; because you are internally miserable.

So, get happy with yourself first, and look for those who will add to that. Who can bring more value to that? The greatest thing about knowing for sure if your happiness is from within, is that you are no prisoner to certain situation that may be toxic to you.  You now know that you will be just fine should you have to be without this person, but you are also more likely to practice patience and have empathy for those you are in relationship with. Happy people, have time for the times when things are not always…well, happy!

Another plus is being less likely to go from relationship to relationship because you are always finding fault in others, rather than looking within. Sure there will be times when people are detractors and should be dismissed, but if you have not dealt with your internal discord, you are less likely to know for sure when this is happening.

So sing with me… Only You, can make you happy! happy!

Before you go – check out this cute sweater from Burlington’s  I think it’s dope – what about you? So fresh and clean…and comfortable.. and now you can be cute while grabbing groceries.  That makes me happy. Out here fashionably inspiring others to find that power within. I just love it! And I love you.

Til next time – hang with me on instagram where I show more of the fashion, life, and inspiration tidbits.