Today on the blog I am sharing with you the importance of owning your own emotions. While it would be nice if those who hurt us took all the burden of fixing us, that is not always possible. Watch the video or read up on why. Either way, let’s P.OW.E.R UP!
Today we are talking about, OWNING your emotions!
Your journey is just about you, and that includes all the emotional baggage you accumulate while on it. You meet so many people on your path and most do not stick around, yet you still feel it safe to try to give others the reins when it comes to managing YOUR emotions.
You are not only disempowering yourself from the necessary growth, but you imply that others can do better at fixing you, than you. And when they can’t do it, we then just leave our hearts on the table, vowing silently to never give it out again. (or go to FB talking bout people aint shit!)
Too often when we are dealing with people, we take their every move, personal. We make it about us. We confuse our feelings and behave from a space of ego; assuming that they should have abandoned focus on their journey to account for our comforts. But all you have to do, is
Pay attention and then, decide…
Decide 1. What it is you TRULY feel about this person’s actions and
2. What YOU want to do about it.
But knowing the problem, the associated emotions, and the resolve, is all up to YOU.
Talking to those who hurt us about the problem is a great way to attempt some resolve, but most people talk with the expectation that the offending party will say the right things; something to make the “feeling” go away; Something to stroke our ego and remind us that it is ALL about us, including all of their actions.
While we find romance in assuming our partners play the role of fixing our hurt feelings, truth be told, whatever role it is, is small. It will always be small because you are asking someone to handle something that is yours; To resolve something that is yours in a way that you will be made satisfied.
And of all of the problems with this the main two are that 1. They do not know what that best way would be. If they did and cared, then the issue would not be an issue. And if they did not, then your issue should be on deciding what next steps are warranted in the “getting to know you” process.
And 2. This will make some frown, but it is that YOU do not even know what the best results would look like half the time. Why? Because YOU aren’t even sure of the emotions, yes, your emotions; and most of your automatic responses are so basic that you TRULY want whatever event that got you in your feelings, to never have happened in the first place. but you know that can’t be the case but in a weird way also do not know that this can’t be the case.
- That’s all Yours, Boo!
- The Benefit of the Loss| Ready for the gain?
- Six Things You Need to Help You Heal
- What a B****! What Can I Do?
- Fool Me Once
This is often displayed by a person refusing to let the situation go no matter the explanation or countless, genuine apologies. All that can be focused on is the affront to them, foregoing the details of the story of the offending person – their journey to self. Going for days being ticked off because someone else did something YOU FELT they should not have. But did you hear me – YOU FELT… and therefore YOU have to do something about it. But many of you can’t because you rely on others to boost self-esteem, even if that means lying to you or being disingenuous to themselves.
Oftentimes the glow up of others, the road to them making less of the types of mistakes that got you in a tizzy, is to make them to begin with and sometimes, you are going to be the person that is the teacher on someone else’s journey. Being a teacher means that sometimes you are the one that got away cause yes…yes you are the good person you want to place on a pedestal and pretend no one should ever offend, but they will, and you will leave, or talk, or EXPLAIN error…but not make them responsible for your feelings. And when you really are that good of a person, this becomes a great lesson for the person who committed the offense.
Naw, it ain’t always easy realizing the many ways we teach.
Nor is it easy to know that most often we get hurt by acts that are unintentional, or that really had nothing to do with us at all. And Whether you have had countless conversations or not you mostly fail to realize that you are spending too much time focusing on the change of another rather than the necessary change that needs to happen with self.
I am not saying that people should not be mindful of your feelings when you are in relationship with them, NOT AT ALL. but they cannot be responsible for them. It is up to you to decide if someone is handling you appropriately and YOU make the decision on how you will proceed within the confines of that relationship (ps. I use the term relationship to signify any type of relationship).
We have seen people try to make wrongs, right, in so many ways but ultimately the healing is always up to the one that is hurting… and to do so well hell they first need to decide if HURT is even what they are experiencing! But child that’s a whole other lesson – see you next week for that one. Today just know that, what you’re feeling now…that’s all yours boo. Own it, take control, and power up – dassit!
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